TOKYO – Ohashi Jozu sat down with elusive Typhoon Hinnamnor, aka Typhoon No. 15, today, who is currently blasting Okinawa with rain and 92 kilometer-an-hour winds.
Ohashi Jozu: Hey.
Typhoon: Hey.
OJ: So what should I call you? You go by-
T: No, no, no. I go by many names and no name. Those are all just-
They’re all just meaningless labels?
Exactly.
OK, so let’s get down to the- I mean, basically, you’re a violent storm. You swoop in and blow things around.
I, well, there’s more to it than that.
Oh good. So, like, what?
Well, I mean, you’re just talking about the.. I mean, you’re cutting out everything from before and after.
Before…the storm? And the swooshing and raining and…
Yes, before that. Like, I have a backstory.
Oh god.
What?
But… but essentially, you’re a storm. A violent-
Not always violent.
But they say your winds are so powerful they could destroy houses.
Who’s they?
Lots of people. Newscasters, like.
Please.
But you’ve been violent before.
That was another storm.
…
That-
So you’re saying-
…
So you’re saying you’ve been…typecast… and…blamed for the…actions of…other storms.
That’s about the size of it.
But, ok, so far, today…you’ve been pelting Okinawa with what can we just agree is rain and wind consistent with what most people would call an extremely violent typhoon or storm.
Most people?
Well, say lots.
…
Are you lobbing lots of rain at people?
…
Yes or no?
Well, it’s not by choice.
Not by choice?
No, I mean, this is what gets left out. There’s a before-
Not this again.
No, there’s a before and-
Oh… you mean you had lots to drink or something?
No, but-
But what people are interested in, can’t you see, is the storm part, not any “backstory.”
…
…
You really want to get it off your chest.
…
OK, tell me one thing from your past that you think readers just can’t do without if they really want to stay informed about the latest typhoon.
Well, I played rugby in school.
…
I played rugby in school, you see. Didn’t want to, mind. But I was bigger than the other kids and seeing as I was opaque and had the gusting winds, they sort of forced me to.
…
And I sang in the school choir-
Oh god. Look, can you just tell us how long you’re planning to pummel Okinawa? Will you be sated after that or are you intending to move on up the road to Tokyo, etc?
The teacher felt I was a soprano but I disagreed. I said, “No, no, no, you’re wrong- I’m a baritone. Baritone.”
Why are you laughing?